Each is followed by a droll, dryly delivered illustrative story. There are 55 (!) rules about how to maintain the aforementioned lady-cad lifestyle. The Girl’s Guide is more numbing than the most magically medicated lube known to man. Plus, I was at least looking forward to chuckling once or twice. To reiterate: no real issue here with the narrator’s stated objective of “hot monkey sex.” But actual pleasure isn’t depicted anywhere in this book. If the targeted male in possession of a penis isn’t able to actually perform like a machine (or worse, bails the scene for another “cuntini”), revenge must be exacted-preferably in the form of public humiliation and property destruction. Married, committed and gay guys are fair game. Once a male has been targeted, the key is to stop at nothing to secure intercourse-not even dosing him with penis pills and/or roofies, or “stalking,” all of which are encouraged. Drugs and alcohol should be consumed rigorously to facilitate this use: Chemical courage helps with propositions or physical assault (grabbing, groping) of strange guys in bars. Men, all selfish assholes, will “take a shit on your heart.” Best just to employ them as sex machines / dildos / ATMs. A select (equally drug- and drink-addled) few function as co-conspirators. Other women are air-headed, “fugly” competitors. The narrator at the center of this humor book is a self-destructive, substance dependent female cad whose sole purpose is a ride on yet another “dirty hot” dude in order to rub out yet another compulsive orgasm. The author and publisher disclaim all liability.” Its advice and suggestions are not meant to be taken seriously. The book also comes with a legal disclaimer: “ The Girl’s Guide to Depravity is a humor book. The Girl’s Guide is based on a grinding sequence of rules-like every other dating/relationship advice peddler reliant on cynical generalizations and absolutes to hide deficits of genuine insight. It isn’t long before others are flying in your face, flapping an urgent warning to turn sail while you still can. Surprised to hear the feathered-haired network wasn’t relegated to quaint soft-core obscurity years ago? I was. I should add that the book was inspired by Rutman’s blog, which also inspired a series on Cinemax. “Do something bad if it feels good,” Rutman urges. It’s a handbook, the back cover explains, one laced with comedy and contempt for outmoded dating guides that emphasize female passivity and chastity. But the title and packaging allude to something subversive inside-an edgy new take on the pursuit of female sexual pleasure. It’s not that The Girl’s Guide to Depravity: How To Get Laid Without Getting Screwed by Heather Rutman wants to hold forth on these issues. If she chooses instead to take responsibility for her own pleasure, overall sexual well-being and (by association) emotional self-sufficiency, is she not taking a public policy stance? After all, the pursuit of sex for pleasure is inextricable from the pursuit of sexual safety, birth control and self-expression. Let’s say a woman doesn’t care to kneel at the altar of church-sanctioned, babymaking intercourse. With that backdrop, the mere notion that it’s OK for women to seek sex for pleasure is itself political. Plenty of policymakers (and presidential hopefuls) echo this notion. Many among us remain convinced that unbridled desire should be stuffed down, prayed out or confined to the procreative marital bed.
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